When a child has cancer, how does the child react to it? How can parents support their children?
Do children understand they have cancer?
Children and teens diagnosed with cancer accept their illness differently, depending on their age and pre-existing knowledge about cancer. However, whether or not they fully understand what it means, they may feel the entire world around them is changing overnight. Instead of going to school, studying, engaging in extracurricular activities, or being with friends, they now have to face hospital stays, blood tests, taking medicines, and having surgery.
How do they react?
The first few weeks can be alarming and stressful for all children, irrespective of age and emotional intelligence. A child will respond to a new situation with a range of emotions from confusion and fear to anxiety and panic.
Small infants and children might fear being separated from parents or fear painful procedures such as blood tests. They may also become agitated to see strangers or the cancer care team in front of them.
School-aged teenagers may feel upset about the disruption of school activities and distance from friends. They may be saddened looking at their appearance after loss of hair. They may also get anxious thinking about the consequences of cancer and the cancer treatment. Some might even display a rebellious attitude towards parents and doctors.
Do you need to inform your child about the diagnosis?
This is not a simple question to answer. Whether you should inform your child about their cancer diagnosis or not depends on many factors. It depends on their emotional intelligence, understanding capacity, how they react to that situation, and previous history of their behavior in similar situations. You should also consider whether telling your child will have any benefits on the immediate treatment or not.
What should you, as parents, tell them?
This depends on your child’s age, understanding, coping capacity, and previous knowledge about cancer. You might think it’s easier to withhold information from children and teens about cancer and not talk to them about their diagnosis and treatment. But most children can figure out if something is wrong with them. You might confuse your child and make them lose trust in you, if you try to hide their diagnosis from them, It is better to speak to the doctor and get advice on what kind of age-appropriate information you can provide to your child.
Preschool children will understand they have some illness but may not understand the concept of cancer. On the other hand, school-aged children may have some previous knowledge of cancer, so it is easier to explain them. Teenagers will understand cancer and its treatment much more clearly. They will be more receptive to hearing directly from the doctor.
How can you, as a parent, support your child to adjust to a new situation?
When your child’s cancer diagnosis is confirmed, they may feel the whole world around them has changed overnight. Instead of going to school, studying, or hanging out with friends, they now have to deal with hospital stays, blood tests, X-rays, taking medications, and going through surgery. Depending on the cancer and the treatment your child will receive, this routine will last for several months. Therefore, it is essential to get them to accept this new routine.
You can do some things to help your child and teen adjust in the first few weeks after diagnosis:
- Encourage them to talk openly and share their feelings with you or their doctors and nurses.
- Encourage them to get involved in playing games or using their mobile phones to divert their attention from painful hospital procedures or visits.
- Try to engage your child in school activities online if possible, as it may not be possible for them to attend school physically.
- You can try to keep your child connected to their school friends through video calls and conferences.
When will your child need extra help?
With support, most children with cancer cope very well. If a child seems to have trouble accepting their situation, even after a few weeks of treatment, they might require help from a psychologist. Additional support may be needed if a child:
- Feels sad all the time
- Can’t be comforted
- Becomes very angry quickly
- Refuses to take essential medicines at home or in the hospital
- Declines their visits to the clinic or the hospital
- Withdraws or goes into isolation
- Cries constantly
- Has trouble sleeping
